


A New Song

by weishenbwi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blasphemy, Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Chanyeol - Freeform, Cheating, Chen - Freeform, Confessional, Conscription, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Dubious Ethics, Enlistment, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Infidelity, Jongdae - Freeform, M/M, Manipulation, Maybe - Freeform, Mildly Dubious Consent, Military, Size Difference, Smut, and i have no idea where this is leading to, but it's the end of the world scenario, chanchen, chanyeol is a cute ass clumsy mess, chenchan, covid period, cut them some slack, going to add some chanbaek as an experimental throwback, i'm writing as i go, it's a possibility, jongdae is oblivious, other than chanchen smut, otp is chanyeol and jongdae tho, yeoldae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:41:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27617824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weishenbwi/pseuds/weishenbwi
Summary: Chanyeol’s given to saying that he must have really good circulation because his dick gets hard almost every time he sees his best friend lifting weights or stretching. And it’s bullshit but he can’t stop it. His dick has a mind of its own. Like that one time Jongdae needed a spotter and who else could help him? He couldn’t help how his fucking dick just grew right in front of Jongdae’s face. It was Jongdae’s fault for all those sounds he made while lifting. Jongdae had stopped right away, looked appalled, and then laughed. So it was fine, right? Completely fine. And it was completely fine how Chanyeol went to sleep that night, picturing that same moment but instead, Jongdae would hang up the weights and suck Chanyeol off, the dirty slut getting on his knees for Chanyeol, hollowing out his cheeks and Chanyeol gripping his hair, shoving Jongdae further on his dick and abusing his throat.It’s fine.Filthy, gratuitous fic with some softness. 😭💦
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, EXO Ensemble/EXO Ensemble, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 30
Kudos: 43





	1. Covet

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't slept in 48 hours. enjoy.

Chanyeol tried to get those images out of his mind, berated himself silently, tried to make himself available to whatever duty was needed on base to occupy his mind and body for however long possible. But every night, when he returned, Jongdae would be there in the unit with the other soldiers. Why was he assigned to this unit? Why was Baekhyun not here to cut the ice? If anything, all three of them should have been together because then there would be some semblance of normalcy. Baekhyun could ask about the wife and child and Chanyeol could listen, inquiring, and putting in feedback when necessary.

He could and should be doing anything other than thirsting after one of his best friends who happened to be married with a child. _Happened to be? It's not chance Yeol._ Yes, Chanyeol had taken to berating himself mentally regularly now. Although one time he did get carried away and pictured a nun with a ruler and being bent over, red marks heavy across his ass. Who could blame him? Jongdae is Catholic after all so it's somewhat a normal series of progression. Well, that or a kink. Probably a kink.

Chanyeol was horny, so horny, and there was no way he was getting some action any time soon. Not with being surrounded by military personnel during a pandemic. He nodded to no one but himself. Yep, that was this year alright. He not only couldn't relieve his desires but he was thinking far too many sexual things about his married best friend. "If there's a hell I'm going. _But_ it wouldn't hurt to have a little action along the way." And so he closed his eyes again, thinking of his now-roommate Kim Jongdae and his tight little ass which would (and has) fit so perfectly in Chanyeol's hands. If he could have one thing, it would be to lick Jongdae to the point of no return. Fingernails scratching at everything, claws digging in, uneven breathing, and so much sin Jongdae would have to go to Confession every day for the rest of his life. Make him scream out Chanyeol's name repeatedly until it's etched in his mind forever.

* * *

Chanyeol knew it was wrong and had tried for so long to not think about it. He thought with the two-year conscription, he could finally sort himself and put whatever this was behind him. 

“Why didn’t you tell him Yeol? You should have just spoken up.” Baekhyun had suggested over fried chicken one evening, trying to keep the mood light while also letting Chanyeol know that he’d keep the secret and try to help him as best he could. 

“It’s not that simple Baek. Jongdae’s Catholic and, well you’ve seen him, he never played along with us when we experimented or never let a joke get too carried away. He has self-control.” Chanyeol had said, stopping mid-sentence. “Don’t say. Don’t you dare say what I know you’re thinking.” Chanyeol had stood up now, food forgotten beneath him.

Baekhyun’s eyes widened. “Of course I’m not going to say that. I love Jongdae just as much as you do- Well, I love him like he’s one of my best friends. Without a romantic attachment.” He snickered between bites of chicken, earning him a swift but light kick from Chanyeol who looked pensive and anxious. “Look there’s nothing you can do now. You should have spoken up regardless of religious beliefs. Now it’s too late.”

“And risk losing our friendship, losing his trust, or breaking up the group? I could never do that Baek. The risks were too much.” Chanyeol had sat down again, head in hands, the weight of the entirety of Seoul on his shoulders. “I just couldn’t do it.” He said in one last, exasperated breath. 

He felt an arm reach around to him and squeeze him gently. And so they sat, the time winding away. No words. There wasn’t much Baekhyun could say that would make it better. Chanyeol needed time. Time to sort his thoughts and get back to his old self, free of whatever weight he had carried after the news of the baby, the permanence a new life brought and bound to the Kims. Baekhyun had stayed the night then, the two sharing a bed and the comfort of a decade’s worth of friendship. It was the day of Jongdae’s enlistment and Chanyeol didn’t want to be alone, hadn’t come to terms with the news yet. He wasn’t sure when he would ever. But for now, he had his thoughts and his Baekhyunee. That was enough. He could lay on Baekhyun and Baekhyun could do the same. They could talk and laugh, reminisce of their youth, and play like kids. And so they stayed. And slept. And worked on music together, composing and writing lyrics together like the old days. And just like the old days, Baekhyun had made Chanyeol shower with him a few times “as payment for my hard work and generosity”- to which Chanyeol faux begrudgingly partook. The reality? He was more than happy to have the intimacy that Baekhyun offered him. They loved each other. All of the members did.

He thought it was almost humorous that Byun Baekhyun was the one he turned to for comfort. Not that he couldn’t do it. Of course Baekhyun could. It’s just that it had always been Jongdae they both turned to, that most of the group turned to aside from Suho for a leader's guidance or Kyungsoo for a completely unbiased perspective or Minseok for the utmost maturity. Sometimes, and often, a combination of advice. Group discussions. But now that three members had already enlisted, two of the most level-headed and rational ones, the torch was passed to Baekhyun to carry until it was his time. Then Chanyeol’s and so on. 

The torch wasn’t in Chanyeol’s hands long. He and Baekhyun had decided to try and enlist together hoping they’d stand a greater chance of being put in the same unit, which is another reason it was such a shock they were separated so drastically, barely able to see each other during their mutual free times. And an even greater shock that he would end up, instead, sharing the same unit with the one he was trying to forget. Fate had something else in store for Chanyeol. It seemed like a cruel joke the universe was playing on him and he didn’t like it. Not at all.

Chanyeol couldn’t have guessed that the universe would play an even greater joke in the upcoming weeks. One that involved both Jongdae and Chanyeol having to share a room together, just the two of them, for an “unspecified period of time” due to the COVID outbreak among the troops. 

For now, he just counted the times he was lucky and unlucky when it came to the interactions he had with Jongdae in front of the other soldiers. Sometimes Chanyeol was _lucky_ and Jongdae would have already worked out, showered, and fallen asleep. But other times, he wasn’t so lucky. The times when he’d arrive home and Jongdae had just finished working out or showering, drenched in his own sweat or water cascading off his lithe body as he stepped out of the shower. “Hey Yeol, can you hand me a towel?” And god, he had to bring a towel to his friend. Nothing wrong with that. Right? It’s only a normal thing that made his heart pound and his hands fidget. He didn’t want to be obvious with all those other people there but he wondered if he blushed too hard, stammered too much, or was too blatant about a lack of eye contact - or worse - when his eyes lingered a little too long on the naked, soaked beauty in front of him.

The beauty he wanted to touch, caress, linger soft kisses over tanned skin. Inhale and exhale him. Become one over and over again. Thrusting until Jongdae cried out, both cumming in unison as the ecstasy left their body in a haze of bliss.

“Is everything okay? You act like you haven’t seen me naked. We used to live together, remember? And we’d shower together. Sometimes three of us at a time. God knows how we fit.” Jongdae chuckled, his kitten lips curling up and eyes squeezing into a smile. He really was beautiful. His beauty had a regal look to it with his high cheekbones, long eyelashes, and that unique, upward curve of his lips.

It was always the same. Either Chanyeol would act normal and pass the towel or whatever Jongdae needed. Or he would be a blistering hiccup in front of everyone, the basic public humiliation making him even more clumsy both in act and speech. And yet this wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the times when they worked out together or both arrived home at the same time, Jongdae inviting Chanyeol to shower with him so the other soldiers didn’t occupy the shower. After all, a few months in and Jongdae was not only a senior ranking member but due to their idol life and later enlistment, he and Chanyeol were older than most of them. Jongdae had the seniority and rank, and all invites to Chanyeol were often accepted because the few times he declined, they ran out of hot water and he couldn’t shower for the rest of the night. He had weighed the choices like a scale: Shower with Jongdae, try not to look at his body or get hard. Or, not shower with Jongdae and stink up the bed sheets which required washing and a few extra steps Chanyeol would really rather not do. Besides, it almost felt like he’d won a competition to get first dibs on the shower before anyone else.

That all changed when they announced that Jongdae and Chanyeol would be staying in the dorm alone for an “unspecified period of time”. They were allowed to do their service in the beginning but they couldn’t congregate with anyone other than those who lived in the same units. And they had, for the most part, decreased the unit sizes to lessen the spread. It had all happened so quickly and with great urgency that it wasn’t until they had told Jongdae and Chanyeol that they were relieved of their duties for the time being, that it started to sink in. Instead of having surplus people, they narrowed it down to those who were military for life and those who had just enlisted, leaving Chanyeol and Jongdae to stay in the dorms until further notice. 

Chanyeol and Jongdae. 

Too much time on their hands.

Alone.

Bored.

~~Horny.~~

_Chanyeol: Yeah, nothing could possibly go wrong here._  
_Narrator: Maybe it's healthier to let him believe that._


	2. A Perfect Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol's actions lead to a type of confession and Jongdae reacts.

It’s wrong. Chanyeol knows it’s wrong. But the hours pass into days and the days pass into weeks and he can’t shake the thought that grows and grows inside him until he’s almost sure that the consequences would be worth it if he ran away now and started a new life anywhere 1000 miles away from the guy he wants to kiss and hold and rewind time to risk it all for. 

He can’t do that.

_It’s wrong._

By every definition of the word wrong. But fuck if Jongdae curling up to him like a cat at night doesn’t cause a stir above _and_ below.

One time Jongdae asked him if he was alright because he’d chosen to lay on Chanyeol’s chest and, well, it’s not like he could stop it from beating that hard and fast. He’s only glad Jongdae was satisfied when Chanyeol had told him he had too much caffeine. 

He didn’t have any caffeine that day. He’d had a Jongdae on his chest and it was perfect and hell. Perfect because fuck yes Jongdae is laying on his chest and he’s so close Chanyeol can feel the heat radiating off him, can feel his breath against his skin. And hell because what’s really stopping him from reaching down and giving Jongdae a kiss other than his own sense of morality? Perfect hell like every time Jongdae reaches up to give Chanyeol a hug and it feels like hot coals against his skin. 

Or working out together. Chanyeol’s given to saying that he must have really good circulation because his dick gets hard almost every time he sees his best friend lifting weights or stretching. And it’s bullshit but he can’t stop it. His dick has a mind of its own. Like that one time Jongdae needed a spotter and who else could help him? He couldn’t help how his fucking dick just grew right in front of Jongdae’s face. It was Jondgae’s fault for all those sounds he made while lifting. Jongdae had stopped right away, looked appalled, and then laughed. So it was fine, right? Completely fine. And it was completely fine how Chanyeol went to sleep that night, picturing that same moment but instead, Jongdae would hang up the weights and suck Chanyeol off, the dirty slut getting on his knees for Chanyeol, hollowing out his cheeks and Chanyeol gripping his hair, shoving Jongdae further on his dick and abusing his throat. 

It’s fine.

Chanyeol had gone to Jongdae’s bed that night, saying he couldn’t sleep and asking Jongdae if he’d keep him company. Jongdae had opened the covers and allowed Chanyeol in. It wasn’t until Jongdae went to sleep that Chanyeol turned on his side and lightly stroked his hair, playfully touching his kitten lips as he slept.

Absolutely fine.

Jongdae had stopped asking Chanyeol if he wanted to shower with him. There wasn’t a need anymore. The hot water didn’t waste away with the lack of people using it and Chanyeol was both upset and relieved. It’s better he didn’t see Jongdae naked but also God _why_ can’t he see Jongdae naked. Life isn’t fair was Chanyeol’s thought when he’d removed the towel from the bathroom so that Jongdae would have to ask him to bring another one. He didn’t do it often but every now and then he’d remove something that Jongdae would need or would throw out something like body wash or shampoo claiming it smelled weird just so Jongdae would call out and Chanyeol could come running with whatever Jongdae needed, getting a glimpse of his friend's naked body and keeping that image with him until next time. And there was always a next time.

Chanyeol wonders why Jongdae hasn’t said anything. Along with Minseok, Jongdae is one of the smartest people in the group and if this was a puzzle he’d have figured it out. Unless he already has and every excuse Chanyeol gives is really just an embarrassment.

He shakes his head and continues like nothing is wrong when Jongdae asks him what he wants for dinner. 

“You.” He jokes not looking up from his composition when he could swear he hears Jongdae say “Take it then.” 

His jaw drops open and he can’t fully process anything until he sees Jongdae reaching for his phone. “So what do you want Yeol? The usual?” Jongdae’s standing there, small ass in those tight pants - because this little twink refuses to wear fitted clothes so Chanyeol does what he must and _accidentally_ spilled soda all over Jongdae’s newly cleaned laundry - and god he looks so good that Chanyeol could take him right then and there. He’d slap himself literally to shake out of this daze his mind, body, and dick refuse to leave if Jongdae wasn't standing beside him.

“I… what?” 

“I said we’ll have take-out then. What do you want?” 

Before he can answer, because he’s sitting there dumbfounded, Jongdae orders his usual and Chanyeol sits there wanting to rip off Jongdae’s pants and stuff his dick into Jongdae’s very tight, petite ass. If he could just… just have a small taste of his best friend he’s sure these intruding thoughts would vanish. It’s like that piece of food that you’re holding yourself back from when you’re dieting or going lean and you think if you just have a bite you won’t want anymore. Because that’s how it works… right?

Isn’t it one bite and you’re satisfied… Or is it one bite and then another and well now you’ve practically had the whole thing? Except the thing is your married best friend and the bite is his ass and his little dick and his moaning and screams and pure jubilation because maybe your tongue is really that good.

He shifts uncomfortably, length growing against his pants.

“Hey Yeol… umm… can we talk for a bit?” 

“Sure, what’s up Dae?” Acting nonchalant, he looks up like he wasn’t just thinking about fucking his best friend. 

“Dude, your dick is… again… you might have the best circulation I’ve ever seen but also maybe you might want to see someone about that.. Monstrosity.” He motions to Chanyeol’s dick which is straining against the seams of his pants. 

“Yeah, I-I don’t really know what that’s about but I’ve been working on a… fairly sexual song. Think of Artificial Love, The Eve, and Playboy. It’s not a bad result when you think about it. It will have a good reaction from the fans.”

Jongdae stays transfixed on Chanyeol’s bulge, making Chanyeol snap his fingers. “Earth to Kim Jongdae. I’m up here.” He laughs and nestles Jongdae’s hair imagining his fingers entangled in it, wishing he could buck his hips and say “Suck it if you’re going to stare at it.” He refrains. “You wanted to tell me something?”

Jongdae shakes his head and affirms “Yes. Actually uh… I’m not sure how to say this but we’ve been friends for close to 10 years so here goes. I… I’ve seen the way you look at me, Yeol, and I know we’re stuck here so you can’t get any… anything. But I’m married and… I have my faith. I’m really not into… I’m not into men. I’m sorry. I felt like I should tell you this sooner rather than later because I can tell you’re struggling with it and I want to ease that suffering. I want to ease the confusion and put a stop to it before your fantasies get the best of you.” He wished he could have said it differently but Chanyeol’s dick was right there and he was trying NOT to look at it - and he’s pretty sure it came across as intended. More or less. 

This is not something Chanyeol could discuss sober. Not with the way Jongdae had addressed everything. The direct and outright rejection was not something Chanyeol had planned for or ever wanted to hear. “If we’re going to talk about this, and I think we should, I need some soju and by some, I mean enough.”

“I can understand that and I’ll order some but this is something we absolutely need to talk about Yeol. We’re going to be in here for who knows how long and I can’t have my best friend…falling in love with me while I’m married. I have a baby, Chanyeol! I have a life. And I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to talk about this sober so I’ll stop now but please be aware that we will have this conversation tonight. We have to.”

It’s now that Chanyeol sees Jongdae looking down, sure but uncertain at the same time and he can’t read exactly why or what it means but he knows it’s not going to be the same, that somewhere along the way of not being able to control his dick, he fucked this up. And he’s not sure what he’ll say when he has Soju in him but for now he’s torn between wishing he’d taken up the idea of leaving the country when he had the chance and holding onto Jongdae, begging him to understand that polyamory is the new thing in the States and that they could all move away and try it because if two is better than one than three must be better than two. Right? It’s basic math and basic math is simple. 1+1 = 2. Chanyeol loves Jongdae and people who love each other should be together. Besides, he’s great with kids. He’d be great with Jongdae’s daughter too. It would be some type of extended nuclear family, just double the amount of love everyone shares. But Jongdae is a religious man and he’s pretty sure nowhere in the Bible does it say that two men could have a relationship that has a woman or a threesome involved. Unless you count concubines but that's Old Testament and what do Catholics believe again? Besides none of this matters when he’s sober because even if he’s able to think it, getting the words out is a wholly different feat and he’s not sure he’d be able to say everything or even anything at all. 

And so they sit in awkward silence until the food and the alcohol get there and no one touches any of the food because where is the appetite when you’ve just confronted or dispensed a heavy dose of rejection? 

“You know what helps rejection go down easier?” Chanyeol says as he reaches into the bag, grabbing one bottle and handing the other to Jongdae. “Soju.” He lines up the Soju, one for each member. “Lots of Soju.” 

It’s 5 bottles in before he can muster up the courage or desire to say a single thing. Jongdae not far behind him.

“Yeah I am in love with you.” Chanyeol says, words slurred and cheeks flushed. “Have been for years now. I’m- I’m not sorry about it. You’re s-such a good fucking person, man. I tried to stop it, really Dae, I tried sooo fucking hard. For years. For all this time. But I couldn’t and can’t. I didn’t mean to get enlisted like this, to be put in the same unit as you, to have this outbreak happen and to be stuck inside with your cute ass body everywhere. Why do you think I initially tried to avoid you as much as possible when I got here? But you, and I don’t blame you for this because you didn’t know and I’m thankful because holy shit did those guys use all the hot water up - but you asked me to shower with you and I denied it at first because I knew, I fucking knew it would make this so much worse for me… But I wanted to be clean and I wanted to see you and I love you.” The last word caught in his throat like a hiccup and then silence fell heavy over the room. No one could bring themselves to speak a word, Chanyeol letting his mind catch up to his words and Jongdae trying to absorb everything he’d just heard his best friend confess to. 

Time passed into eternity until Chanyeol couldn’t take it anymore. 

“And- And I’m not done. I fucking love you and I” The alcohol had more than started to take its effect and Chanyeol was glad because this might be the only time he would be able to get the words out. The alcohol had given him the courage that he would never have otherwise. “I want to fuck you, Dae. I want to take you in my arms with your tiny, twink ass body and make love to you. I want to make love to you and I want to fuck you like an animal. And I can guarantee. I can fucking guarantee that your wife has NEVER done what I would do to you. I want to taste every inch of your body and I swear to God, I swear to fucking God you’ll moan and scream my name by the end of it. You don’t know… you don’t even know what I’d do to you. It’s taking everything in me to just sit here and not… not fucking take you _right now_.”

Jongdae’s cheeks were flushing, from the Soju and from everything Chanyeol had just unleashed. No one had ever confessed their love for him. Not even his wife. It was Jongdae who had taken that plunge and risk and he did so romantically - but here was one of his best friends revealing… everything. That not only was Chanyeol in love with Jongdae but now apparently he was a twink who Chanyeol would “fuck like an animal” if given the opportunity, whatever that meant. He wasn’t sure if he should ask what that meant because Chanyeol would become even more inflamed and that was good for no one - and it was risky. 

Risky for all the wrong reasons.

Risky because Jongdae wanted to deny it, deny Chanyeol’s desires, but his mind kept flashing back to Chanyeol’s hard on. It was bigger than any toys he’d ever considered using and looked big enough to fit perfectly in Jongdae’s hands. He took another drink and shook his head, trying to shake off the thoughts and the inching horniness which had begun to permeate his senses at Chanyeol’s confession. It made his own smaller dick twitch, growing tighter against the fabric of his pants, the pants Chanyeol had given him to wear when he’d accidentally spilled soda on the rest of his good ones. These pants were tight and his dick was bulging and it was silent. Everything was silent and he was hoping without meeting Chanyeol’s eyes that the younger was not looking at him or noticing the growing erection beneath his ridiculously tight pants. He’d always thought it was cute how much taller Chanyeol was than him, but now… now he was considering just how much bigger Chanyeol was than him in other ways. How they might look holding their dicks together, Chanyeol’s hand on Jongdae’s erection and Jongdae’s hand on Chanyeol’s. The size difference. If it was just that, just two guys seeing the difference out of pure scientific curiosity. That’s not cheating... right? 

“Dae, I’m kinda just sitting here waiting for you to say something. Tell me to fuck off. Anything. Just say something.” 

Perhaps for the first time in his life, Kim Jongdae was speechless. His body, however, wasn’t motionless. Despite an inner voice screaming in the back of his mind, he took one last swig of Soju and stood up. Made his way to Chanyeol, grabbed him by the hands, noticing the size difference like it was the first time, and led him to the bedroom.


	3. It's nothing prayer and repentance won't absolve.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to write a realistic scenario where one friend wants to have sex with the other but the other is married and has a family? Write them both drunk and make it somewhat convoluted with a sliiiiiight probable case of dubcon? They both agree to it though, just with some drunken coaxing. That's this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little dubcon here, considering they're both drunk and the pressure is there. So be mindful of that going in if you decide to read it.

Jongdae led Chanyeol to the bedroom without saying a word. No one said a word until Jongdae sat Chanyeol down in a dumbfounded daze and locked the door. And that took some effort because what is the alcohol percent in Soju again? Alcohol is the gateway to the type of behavior and horniness that he couldn’t confess even to his priest, Jongdae thinks turning around to Chanyeol, swaying slightly and holding onto the air as he finds his balance. 

“You’re so fucking cute Dae.” The big goof pouts and Jongdae finds he likes it, more than he has in the past. Not that he didn’t like Chanyeol’s adorable, tall, clumsy ways. It’s just that he never thought about how likable and attractive the entire combination is. And he is _really_ attractive. Ridiculously so. He almost hates himself for continuing the thought because what is he doing other than knowing exactly what he’s doing by walking over to Chanyeol who's sitting on the bed, hands in his lap, switching back and forth from pouting adorably to looking at Jongdae in a way that says he wants to ravage him. He notices Chanyeol is rubbing his hands together like he’s nervous, like it’s an adolescent crush, and like they haven’t been best friends for nearly 10 years. The entire situation is absurd.

“I mean… you’re drunk and can’t walk straight and you’re grasping your tiny cute ass hands into the air to steady yourself. God those pants are sooo tight on you. I can see everything. Your thighs are wonderful. Please wear fitted clothes more, you son of a bitch. Wait. No. I’m sorry Dae. You’re mom’s a great lady. I just mean…”

“Chanyeol.” They're both sitting on the bed now, so close their legs are touching and if it made Jongdae nervous, he couldn’t imagine what it was doing to Chanyeol. He puts one finger over the other's lips and instantly the taller one stops talking. Stops bouncing his leg. Freezes. What an effect to have on another, he thinks, as he inches forward placing his lips ever so lightly on Chanyeol’s own. 

His lips are soft and the kiss is firm but gentle. It’s the type of kiss that Chanyeol imagined Jongdae would give, the air of romance and politeness coming through whether or not it’s intended. It feels like friendship and he wants more. He wants to lean into the kiss and take Jongdae’s neck into his hands, bringing the other closer, making the moment more intimate, but even in his drunken stupor, he waits for Jongdae to lead the way. Chanyeol is ready and willing to do everything right now and his inebriated brain is telling him to not wait and go for it - but the soul of the moment is telling him to practice patience because Jongdae might not be ready for everything Chanyeol could give him.

And just like that Jongdae draws back.

It takes the sum of Chanyeol’s strength to not pull him closer and throw caution to the wind, undressing Jongdae and peppering kisses down his lithe body; each one proving how much Chanyeol has loved him for all this time.

“Look Chanyeol, I-”

“No. Don’t say anything. Just wait.”

With much effort and a few times crashing into things or stopping to gain his balance, Chanyeol makes his way to the living room for the rest of the alcohol. Then he searches the cabinets and finds more. He knew those soldiers left some behind, he’d just never cared to find it until now. He refused to do any of this sober and he refused to let Jongdae sober up too. If at least one of them was sober, he knew this wouldn’t happen. Drunk Chanyeol was not only somehow more competitive in that morals would not win, but also increasingly selfish. Or maybe he just needs to fuck Jongdae that bad and that whole “Look Chanyeol” speech was not about to happen in this semi-Christian household. 

“Here. Drink. We’re not doing this sober.” He places another bottle of Soju in Jongdae’s hands and they both drink. It’s better this way. “Neither of us are drunk enough to do this. I mean… just look at me. I’m still talking in full sentences and I was able to gather all this alcohol without dropping any of it. Mostly. Also, why don’t you come here and sit on my lap so we can talk about this like grown men?”

Jongdae finally looks up and yes, Chanyeol did say that with a straight face. 

“Just picture it like a photo-shoot. They always had you smaller ones sit on us or I don’t know.... call your wife. Tell her we’re going to have sex and it’s okay because I’m your one celebrity free pass. Tell her you’ll find hers too. And just… does it really matter as long as you're riding my dick? I don't think so.” With that Chanyeol undoes his pants button and then his hands, confident, sure, are moving to unzip and slide his pants down. Jongdae wants to stop him. He should definitely do something other than stare at the sight of one of his best friends unclothing himself with the intent to do God knows what. But what’s he going to do, rush over and place his hands on top of Chanyeol's to actually make him stop? If he tried, Chanyeol might actually shove his dick into Jongdae’s hands and Jongdae’s not too sure he would stop touching it. If Chanyeol jerked his hips back and forth, Jongdae’s not too sure he wouldn’t follow the motion, hands gripping Chanyeol’s dick, appreciating the smoothness of Chanyeol’s skin and leaning forward to take more of him.

This can’t happen.

Jongdae stands up and moves away from the bed. “I can’t… I can’t do this. If I weren’t married, I might. If I hadn’t welcomed a new life into this world, I might. But I did… I have a family. They’re my responsibility and every relationship is built on communication and trust. If we did this, I couldn’t hug them or celebrate birthdays or holidays knowing what I did. I… I’m sorry Chanyeol. I can’t.” Jongdae makes for the door, to give them both some space and to sober up, but he’s halfway across the room when Chanyeol grabs his arm to pull him back. 

“I’ll call her. I’ll call her right now and… and ask.” He hasn’t let go of Jongdae’s arm despite the smaller trying to shake him off. “Stop. Jongdae, just listen. I’ll tell her…I don’t know… I’ll tell her she can.. join us.” He realizes how ludicrous it sounds, that if he were in her situation, he’d say absolutely not, drive to wherever his significant other is, and someone would get punched. But he doesn’t care because Jongdae was so close to him he could have had him pinned to the bed in a matter of seconds, Chanyeol’s hands holding Jongdae’s arms down, their chests heaving in unison as he wrecks the little twink. Jongdae spaced out and fucked. A glassy-eyed, nonverbal Jongdae. That’s what he needs.

“Tonight will not end unless you’re underneath me. My hands on your skin, on everything. My fingers inside of you touching spots you didn’t know you had. I want it and I know you want it too or you wouldn’t still be standing here.” He hoped he didn’t slur the words that much or that Jongdae was too drunk to notice because he means everything he said and he'd say it sober too if he had the courage. Chanyeol looks down at Jongdae who’s speechless, who hasn’t pulled away, and he realizes that everything is a moment and a choice. He could let Jongdae go and apologize in the morning. That’s the right thing to do. Or he could pull him in closer by his tiny waist that fits so perfectly in Chanyeol’s hands and kiss him so deeply he could swim in that memory forever. He should feel bad for all the reasons Jongdae mentioned. He should feel shame or guilt for what he wants but he doesn’t and Jongdae hasn’t pulled away. He hasn’t pulled away. He’s staring up at Chanyeol and Chanyeol can’t decide if it’s because he’s asking him to stop without a struggle or if it’s because he wants Chanyeol to make the move that will change their lives, that he’s too afraid to do. 

A moment and a choice. And Chanyeol chooses. He doesn’t bend down and kiss Jongdae, pulling his tiny waist closer to Chanyeol’s own. He picks him up and places him on the bed, or more like throws him back on the bed, nearly falls on top of him. He’s clumsy and it’s messy. It’s not romantic. It’s something Jongdae would never do, has probably never done to his wife. Good. Because Chanyeol feels ravenous like he wants to devour Jongdae, taste every bit of flesh, and memorize every beauty mark and mole on Jongdae’s body. He'll start with his neck and work his way down. He’ll leave bruises on Jongdae tonight so he can’t pretend like it didn’t happen in the morning. He knows him too well. Knows, without a doubt, that Jongdae will feel shame and regret perhaps even before the morning comes. And he wants to care, he really does. It's just that Jongdae's on the bed underneath him and he's not running away, not pushing Chanyeol away. He's laying there. Waiting. He wants this or he'd have found a way out of the room by now. It's Jongdae. He would have found a way. The reality, whether or not he'd ever admit it to himself, is that some part of him wants this to happen. 

Chanyeol wishes he could extract any negative thoughts either of them will have so they would only be left with the good memories of tonight. He wishes he could but he can’t so he’ll just have to give Jongdae an experience worth the feeling of guilt, a night that will make Jongdae’s dick twitch even if his head is hung in shame. If that means Dae cumming so much he’s left an incoherent, babbling mess, arms reaching out for comfort and Chanyeol taking his small body into his arms until he’s fast asleep against Chanyeol’s chest... then it’s preferred. Chanyeol realizes that apart from having Jongdae’s body entirely tonight, he wants all of Jongdae. Body and mind. And if the soul is a real, tangible thing, that should be Chanyeol’s too. He wants Jongdae to want everything that he’s given and plead for more. _“Whine for me.”_ And Jongdae will. He’ll get on his hands and knees, head lowered to the bed and those petite hands, that will be wrapped around Chanyeol’s dick, spreading himself wider as cum leaks down - ass red and bruising from the many times Chanyeol will grab and pull and _need_.

For now, Jongdae is under Chanyeol, back against the bed. His eyes are wide and glossy. His eyelashes, lips, and cheekbones are illuminated under the light. So beautiful and all for me, Chanyeol thinks as he reaches down to kiss him, hands holding Jongdae’s arms above his head, gripping tightly like he’s afraid Jongdae will run away. He kisses him deeply, taking in the taste of him, the feeling of lips against lips, skin against skin. Soft. Delicate. Jongdae doesn’t kiss back but that’s okay. It’s going to take some time. He’s here below Chanyeol and he’s not trying to get away. He’s trying to get used to it or accept that he wants it. 

“We’re human Jongdae. We all make mistakes. And I’m not drunk enough or dense enough to say this isn’t a mistake. It is. But you want it, right? You’ll never feel anything like this in your life and you know it. So why not make the mistake, the opportunity with one of your best friends?” He kisses Jongdae’s neck, freeing up his lips for an answer, and he must have touched the right spot because Jongdae’s hips jerk up. He does it again and elicits the same reaction. Chanyeol smirks and runs his hands through Jongdae’s hair, brushing a finger over his eyebrows, his cheekbones, his jaw - before settling on the lips he’ll make raw.

Delicate. 

Fragile. 

Lips touching lightly against Jongdae’s neck. Kissing. Licking. Then biting. With each bite, the hips beneath him jerk up, brushing against his bulge, and Chanyeol discovers Jongdae reacts the most to one spot in particular. He focuses on the spot to make Jongdae feel good, biting only hard enough to make Jongdae crave more, to make him buck up and brush his body against Chanyeol's own. He doesn’t suck on the spot or do anything to leave a blemish. He’ll leave marks in places where they won’t get caught. He’ll leave marks in places Jongdae will see in more private times, like when he’s showering or changing. Each one a reminder of Chanyeol.

“She’ll never forgive me.”

“She doesn’t have to know.”

“I’ll know…”

The overabundance of guilt. Chanyeol stops kissing Jongdae’s neck but he doesn’t let go and he doesn’t get off. “Jongdae, you’ve watched porn right?” He waits for an answer that he receives in the form of a nod. “And you’ve masturbated to it or to thoughts of it later?” Another nod. “Then according to the Bible, you’ve already committed adultery except you had far less satisfaction out of it. Right?” He waits for the realization to come, surprising himself that he remembered that verse - likely because he always thought it was severe that one needed to control their entire thought process or else they were committing a sin. Thankfully his incredulous reaction to a scripture led him to this moment of making a fairly solid argument in favor of Jongdae opening up both figuratively and literally. Time for a short prayer: Please, God, let Jongdae open his ass cheeks to me so that I may hit his prostate readily and pump him full of my seed. Amen. Bless.

Jongdae shakes his head again because technically Chanyeol is right. He can’t even count the number of times he’s done this since getting married. 

“You don’t tell her about that, do you? You just masturbate and carry on with your day?” Jongdae nods. That’s exactly what he does. “So how is this any different? It’s more physical than mental but the idea is the same.”

The alcohol is kicking in more and Jongdae can’t be sure if what Chanyeol is saying actually makes sense or if it only sounds like a good argument because he’s a little on the inebriated side. But it is true. He’s masturbated to images or videos that aren’t his wife and she’s done the same. This isn’t really all that different except it’s with someone he trusts and has known for years, even before he knew his wife.

Chanyeol can see Jongdae turning it over in his mind and he knows the other is almost there. Jongdae’s at the precipice, moments away from saying yes. He needs one final push in the right direction and Chanyeol is happy to oblige. He whispers in Jongdae’s ear, causing him to blush and bury his face in Chanyeol’s arm. What’s said is between him, Jongdae, and god. And even god would blush.

Chanyeol looks down and sees some of the apprehension is gone. Jongdae’s face that was buried in Chanyeol’s arm is now kissing in tiny, soft pecks. Whatever happens tonight, it’s nothing prayer and repentance won’t absolve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than you would ever think. I'm a needy b*tch right meow. Give me kudos and feedback because I'm pretty sure I tried harder than Chanyeol here. 😭😭 And now that this is out of the way, I'm gonna write ALL THE SMUT. We're going to have to pray about it as a group to get the G-Man to forgive me. 😳🙏


End file.
